I was diagnosed with end-stage renal failure and started dialysis in May 2021. Since that time it has been challenging for me to write. This is quite a problem for someone who makes a living with words. Not only do I make my living with words but writing has frequently been my lifeline, a way to make sense of my world and my place in it.

I have written for so many years and in so many ways. Journals, blogs, websites, newspapers, magazines, and ebooks. But once I got sick the harder it got for me to write. I have pretty intense brain fog, which makes it hard to focus for long. I’m also exhausted. Dialysis and just having a dying body makes a gal tired. But the main reason I quit writing was because it was too painful. If I wrote about what I was experiencing it made it all too real. Having a terminal illness is real enough so I just shut down in the writing world.

This plan was at first workable. I could avoid my feelings and didn’t seem to miss the writing too much. But as time has gone on it has become obvious that I need to be writing. Despite it being a challenge, it benefits me too much to continue avoiding it. So I’m diving back in. I’ve been doing some professional writing this whole time, mama has bills to pay after all, but I’m going to be increasing those efforts. I’m also going to be maintaining a personal blog again. I don’t know if anyone will read it, but I need an outlet. I need to find my words again. Most of all, I need to find out who this new me is.

Join me along the way. I can’t promise it will be pretty, but I will keep things real.